This past decade, Denmark has consistently been one of the happiest countries on the planet according to the World Happiness Report conducted by the UN. It ranked as the world’s number one happiest country in 2012, 2013, and again in 2016. It’s been in the top ten of the list ever since — it even placed as runner-up twice in a row in the most recent reports (the most recent one was released in 2020). In fact, Nordic countries typically dominate the rankings. Why? “Danes have plenty of reasons to rejoice: their country scores high when it comes to work-life balance, environment and healthcare.” Denmark and its fellow Nordic countries typically score well in 6 key metrics that have been found by the UN report to play a key role in people’s happiness, namely: “freedom to make life choices, trust towards social and political institutions, healthy life expectancy, level of available support from friends and relatives in times of need and generosity as a sense of positive community engagement.” (emphasis mine). The sixth metric is income (but it is important to note that it is not necessarily the most important factor of the six, reflected in the fact that Nordic countries have high GDPs, but not the highest ones). It’s quite admirable how Danish values cultivate an egalitarian environment in which citizens can thrive and be happy, as indicated by their high scores in the aforementioned metrics.
Having said that, it may come as a surprise that Denmark doesn’t have a word for “please.” It may lead one to ponder whether this means that politeness could be what’s getting in the way of other countries’ happiness. Upon closer examination, it comes to light that the Danes also value politeness; they just manifest it in other ways. Psychologist Amy Bucher surmises that “the lack of the word ‘please’ in Danish” is not so much a form of impoliteness but rather a signal of “a cultural value about completing a transaction efficiently.” She argues that Danes are able to achieve the function of the word “please” through other means, specifically “through tone of voice, polite manner, and so forth”. So, in other words, the answer is no: impoliteness is not the key to happiness after all. Furthermore, Bucher surmises that “please” could be a form of “verbal clutter” that doesn’t necessarily have to be present in social transactions since nonverbal and paraverbal cues could be substituted to communicate politeness and respect.
Instead of please, children are taught to say “Må jeg bede om…?” when requesting something, which translates to “May I beg for…?” One may also opt to make a request by asking “Vil du ikke være sød og…?” or “Would you not be sweet and…?”
Therefore, it is clear that the Danes have their own standards of politeness. In fact, the Danes frown upon those who are rude based on their cultural norms. For instance, when “dining with the Danes, [one] should not begin to eat until the host or hostess says, “Værsgo og spise,” which loosely translates as ‘Come on and eat!’ When you are finished with your Danish meal, [one] should say, ‘Tak for mad’ [or] ‘Thank you for food’ before leaving the table.” Just like in any other society, the Danes also abide by certain cultural norms that aim to ensure smooth social relations; failing to adhere to these said norms leads to rough social transactions, and potentially even social exclusion (which will be further discussed later on).
The Danes highly value a shared sense of belonging and harmony with one another which is reflected in their concept of Hygge. Hygge is commonly but “inadequately” translated to coziness which “relates to notions of home, family, safety, and security in small, sheltered surroundings.'' Moreover, it is “a desirable social atmosphere or feeling, characterized by small-scale settings, informality, relaxed intimacy and [interpersonal] warmth, and is related to the notion of ‘home.’’’ In other words, it is about finding warmth, comfort, and relaxation in the presence of others. Hygge must be maintained within interpersonal relationships at all times by conforming to the “unwritten rules of politeness.”
One study found that Danes, even in online contexts, excluded certain individuals from social settings whenever they failed to uphold Hygge. To illustrate, a group of Danish video game players decided to stop playing with one person when they felt that she didn't “contribute” to Hygge. In addition, Danes regulate each other’s behavior for the sake of “creating and maintaining an appropriate atmosphere, ensuring that all of those within the community are contributing appropriately.” In short, they collectively aim to quell any “threat to Hygge.” For example, “[w]hen players argued, or generally became unfriendly with each other, they were told, in no uncertain terms, to ‘STOP that and find the Hygge again.’” This goes to show how much importance the Danes place on preserving Hygge with one another.
Possibly, their lack of “please” and their preference for making requests with a sweet tone of voice instead has something to do with Hygge. If Hygge is all about maintaining a comfy, cozy, relaxed atmosphere, then it would make sense to do away with a formality such as “please” that could possibly be equated to a stiff or rigid protocol that goes against the warmth and loosened-up qualities that Hygge is meant to be. And, perhaps, Hygge is a key reason why they’re one of the happiest societies.
Maybe the next time you need to ask someone for something, you might consider giving the Danish way a shot to have a taste of that Hygge. Speaking of, would you not be sweet and pass me the salt? Tak!
About the author
Maxine Sophiya Sandico is currently in her sophomore year, studying BFA Information Design at the Ateneo de Manila University. She graduated as Batch 2019 Salutatorian of the Ateneo Senior High School. Often fascinated by social, cultural, and linguistic phenomena, she was pushed to become a member of Ateneo Lingua Ars Cultura (ALAC). She enjoys stumbling upon interesting trivia about people’s way of lives. All kinds of languages and cultures constantly bewilder her and catch her interest. Passing on the fun bits of information that she’s come across whenever she can brings her a lot of joy.
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